Once, when I was working as a barista, I was given $200 from a customer because he thought I was pretty. He wanted to get me a gift but he didn’t know what I would like so he gave me the money he was planning to spend instead.

I didn’t know it at the time, but that was a vital moment for me. Everyone at the cafe kept telling me how I should spend it on fun things or frivolous things. The money was for me and I could do anything with it. But none of that felt right.

I quickly realized the weight that money could have for my life — if I let it. The way I could wield it. The way I could manipulate. The way I could shift myself to get more of it if I wanted to. All because someone thought I was pretty.

I decided to give the money to a women’s shelter nearby.

***

It’s been a few years since this happened and even when I have struggled with money since then — and it’s happened plenty — I never regret that decision. The man who gave me the money didn’t know me, didn’t care who I was outside of the person he already decided I was, and didn’t listen to my protests against his attention.

So if the money was for a woman who didn’t exist, it could go to any woman. Hopefully, a few women who would do some real good with it.

This was a moment when I decided what kind of person I wanted to be, what kind of woman I wanted to be. I’ve had a few of them since. There are so many ways to be a bad person, to cheat people, to take advantage. And it’s so simple in our world. It’s so easy to not care.

It took a few years to realize that the moment I was given that money I made a decision on what matters to me.